Baby Steps

Lord, feeling sorry for myself and overwhelmed and looked down upon.  I cannot get as many things done as others it seems.  My feet drag too much.  I am distracted.  I cannot focus on the next loving thing to do, because there are infinity next loving things possible and next to infinity selfish ones as well.  How do I chose Lord?  I throw up my hands and chose nothing, lazing around until somebody corrals me to do their most important thing.  And just when I think my energy levels are at an all time low, I get lower.  My strength is gone.  I just want rest and everyone to leave me the f alone.  And then I feel sick of myself for being so self absorbed.  

Yes son and these are all feelings.  You can do things in spite of them.  Sometimes you may need to break larger projects down into baby steps, but that is ok, once you get rolling on them you will do well, if you lean on me.

I know Lord, but what is the next thing today?

Fix the barn.

Ok.  But then B & C are back… I just make them into problems instead of people in my mind over and over.  I don't have the time or patience to deal with either of them, with any of my family for that matter.  And then I loathe myself for feeling that way.

Let the feelings wash over you son and call out to me to help you reframe your mind.  They are just feelings and will pass, only what is done for me will last.  Doing can often change your feelings.  If you wait for the right feelings to do something, they may never come.  Doing an act of love in my strength is the only reliable way to nudge feelings in the right direction.  But they are like the wind and NOT to be trusted.  Do the right loving thing and the feelings may follow.

Yes that is my experience Lord.  Actions of love, done connected to you, surrendering my resentment, yes then is when I feel in right relation with others.  But I just want to lay down and forget all of it right now.  Lord have mercy on me and give me some of your strength I pray.

I love you Papa.

Love you  son and I am with you with all of me, all my love, strength, hope and compassion are at your disposal.  Would you be a channel even for the smallest trickle of that stream?  

I will Lord.  

Amen.

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[Bold print represents what Seb is sensing God whispering in the depths of his heart during his prayer time. Bold italic print represents what Seb is sensing a Saint whispering to his heart in prayer. NONE of this is to be taken as authoritative instruction for us all. Click here to learn more about what this type of two way prayer is and is not.]