Feeling alone, lethargic, confused, unloved, unwanted, ignored, unappreciated etc. Same old simmering fears, leading to resentment and anger likely as not. Lord I am powerless over this kind of thinking, only You can rescue me from it Lord. I'd rather have my mind stayed on You, the source of life and love throughout the day than any of that life killing stuff. You are the lifter of my chin and I miss being in your presence Lord.
I surrender also not knowing what to say to Fr. J. Maybe just a simple hand written note would be better.
Lord I submit my back pain to you today, whatever it is, another stone or whatever I give to You as a prayer for my family who I am rarely allowed to speak to concerning You… Or at least they aren't listening any more.
Help me to make some more amends this week.
I want to stay sober and in your presence today Lord… Keeping my eyes on You as the waves of chaos and life try to crush me and drown me.
Remind me Lord Jesus, I will forget.
I will Son, I will be whispering it to you all day long… My voice is always there beneath the din whispering love and encouragement and guidance and gentle reproofs. My sheep hear my voice, I am constantly letting my voice lovingly go out to you, You need to listen to it INSTEAD of the other competing voices of fear, hatred, anger, violence and so on. Ignore the waves and look at me instead.
Yes Jesus, I want that. And Lord, I would learn self control of my angry knee jerk responses too, I'm trusting You to grow that fruit in me Lord.
I will and I AM.
Thank You Lord, I love You and want to do Your will not mine today.
Amen
__________
7/13/16
Reviewed my tumultuous past week emotionally speaking. My mind was not stayed on You Lord, I was not keeping up the discipline of constant conscious contact nor was I doing my set prayer times. Hoping for a better week, one where the peace of gazing at your face and walking on the water toward you in the midst of this storm dominate my thinking, where disturbance is displaced by the tranquility of your presence and completely trusting you to show me the next action of love.
I am always showing you the next loving thing to do, I am whispering it to you often before you ask, what is required is your attention to what I am saying. Your constant focus on me instead of the disturbances that surround you and creep into your heart. Only I can save your sons, his girlfriend, your daughters, your grand children, your wife, your brother, your Momma… Only I can save all your fellows in recovery. So simply look to me in complete trust that I will show you your part.
Pray for them and release them to my care and when I nudge you to interact with them, do it. When I nudge you to help them, do it, but with the very important attitude of completely trusting me with the outcome of those interactions. Do not be distracted by their responses or lack of responses outwardly, remember that I look directly into their hearts and can see their true responses which are largely none of your concern. These are between me and them. Trust me with the hearts of your loved ones and friends, I am the good shepherd that tends to their every need. I am trustworthy.
Lord I do want to completely trust you. Help me in my unbelief.
Amen
