Surrendering My Right to be Voldemort

Obsessing over part of someone’s body
Is as violent as making Horcruxes

Lord Jesus I am reminded of how violent Tom Riddle was. In order to get what he lusted after He murdered people to purposely rip his own soul. It is that kind of violence I do when I lust after fellow creatures, when I tear them apart and obsess over the symbols of intimacy and nurture built into their body … well, at that moment I am being Voldemort. God I don't want to be Voldemort today or ever. If only I could see what was happening spiritually with my physical eyes I would be horrified… I imagine it would be something like a dementor when they sucked the souls out of people, only I am sucking the body parts that symbolize intimacy and nurture into my mind to obsess over and feast upon them as if they could satisfy my true longings. I am horrified at what I do and now I finally am understanding why Father uses the word integrated a lot in his homilies, because what I do as an addict is disintegrate people and creatures; tear them into pieces and rob them of their loving relational connectedness with God and others.

Lord if I don't ever do that again it will be too soon!! Lord the instant the dementor like sucking starts, or even before it starts, stop me and help me name them and place them in a loving relational context and pray for them and their family and friends and relationship with you and their dreams and the work of their hands and all the good in them. Let me never ever tear another human or creature apart to fill up my misguided hunger and thirst. Then let me run to you with my emptiness and feast on You the Bread of Life and drink You the Living Water stronger than wine. Only you can fill my soul Lord. Like you said before:

Praying for these people (and creatures) and their families and their relationship with me is the biggest gift you can give them and helps you reframe them in a loving relational context. Whenever you are tempted to take from them or anyone in that way, give them a name and a family and a relationship with Me in your heart and then pray for all of that specifically. Use the five point prayer (see below) or as much of it as you can remember.

Lord have mercy on me and heal my sick and twisted mind. I want to love and give like you did Lord, not rip and tear and take.

Become one with me and you will love and give like me. This is my desire for you that you stay with me always in your heart and meditate on my presence and speak with me and take my council continually. Trust me in your meetings with Scott and Jared and every aspect of your work today. I will show you what to say and do and teach you the love and selflessness.

I do trust you Lord, help my unbelief!

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THE FIVE POINT PRAYER

Any time you make someone an object of your lust, desire, anger, bitterness, resentment, rage… PRAY FOR THEM! It is a gift to them. Give instead of take. Give them back their humanity. (The “10th Wheel” SA White Book p162)

Pray…

1) That they be purified and healed so they may be exempt from all evil
2) That they would know You (God) and love You in return
3) That they would be protected against any and all attacks of the enemy
4) For purification and healing in all their relationships
5) For a blessing on the work of their hands.

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[Bold print represents what Seb is sensing God whispering in the depths of his heart during his prayer time. Bold italic print represents what Seb is sensing a Saint whispering to his heart in prayer. NONE of this is to be taken as authoritative instruction for us all. Click here to learn more about what this type of two way prayer is and is not.]